(Source: wishopeace)

• Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”
• Client: “Is e-mail internet”?
• Me: “I beg your pardon?”
• Client: “Is e-mail on the internet? I have no internet, can I still read my e-mail?”
• Me: “Well yes, you must be able to get online to view your e-mail.”
• Client: “Oh, dear. I can’t see my e-mail.”
• Me: “Well, let’s see. Can you open up Internet Explorer for me and tell me what you see?”
• Client: “Open what?”
• Me: “Your browser, can you open up your browser?”
• Client: “My…my…?”
• Me: “What you click on when you want to browse the internet?”
• Client: “I don’t use anything, I just turn my computer on, and it’s there.”
• Me: “Okay. Do you see the little blue ‘e’ icon on your desktop?”
• Client: “You mean I have to start writing letters again?”
• Me: “I’m…what, I’m sorry?”
• Client: “I don’t have any pens at my desk. I just want my e-mail again.”
• Me: “No, ma’am, your desktop, on your computer screen. Can you click on the little blue ‘e’ on your computer screen for me?”
• Client: “Oh, this is too much work. I’m too upset. Just send me my e-mail. Can’t you send me my e-mail?”
• Me: “We…okay, ma’am. Can you tell me what color the lights are on your router right now?”
• Client: “My what?”
• Me: “The little box with green or possibly a couple of red lights on it right now - it’s most likely near your computer?”
• Client: “Lights and boxes, boxes and lights, just get my e-mail for me.
• Me: “My test is showing that you should be able to get online right now. Can you tell me what you’re seeing on your computer screen?”
• Client: “It’s been the same thing for the last two hours.”
• Me: “An error message?”
• Client: “No, just stars. It’s black and moving stars.”
• Me: “…Do you see your mouse next to your keyboard?”
• Client: “Yes.”
• Me: “Move it for me.”
• Client: “Move it?”
• Me: “Yes. Move it.”
• Client: “My e-mail!”